Tag Archives: long

musings from new year’s day

I have often wondered if other people are like me. Does what people say to them effect them as it seems to do to me? Sure, with over 7 billion people in the world the odds of what you’re thinking/feeling being “unique” are nil. Any thought I have, any experience is bound to have happened/occurred to someone else.

the way it is unique would be the order these things happen in your life. No one can have the exact same life as you, it’s unscripted. No two families are exactly the same. No two lives are identical.

In my opinion we are all the product of our experiences. Yes, we have a basic blueprint from genetics, but how you’ve lived your life and the choices you’ve made are who you are today.

I can’t believe I would be exactly who I am if my family had stayed in Minnesota. I would not know any of the people I am friends with now. And I think I would have made so many other decisions in my life.

I would have greater ties with my extended family for one. I can’t even imagine who I’d be.

I’m rambling.

The entire reason I even mention this, is that I’ve realized that no matter the praise or compliments I receive, the moment I get a criticism any good feeling is washed away to be replaced by a feeling of inadequacy. That no matter how I try, I will never be good enough.

It’s disheartening. It makes me not want to try,  to stay here in my tiny insular town where I hate it. Where I can’t seem to do anything right so what’s the point of moving to a larger city?

All this, because criticism floods my thoughts with its brackish energy, drowning the warmth of praise in polluted waves. I run the thoughts on endless loop, and I don’t stop thinking them until I’m distracted by an outer source.

If anyone even spent the time to read my thoughts, bless you. I just needed to write this down, put it out there. To get it out of my head. No one likes to feel as if they’re alone.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under musings

detour

the denver trip was fabulous, in so many ways. a good friend and i got up early (for us) and drove over to denver, it’s about a 3-4 hour trip through over the rocky mountains. the trip over was uneventful, smooth driving. though i do always speed, i seem to have this inability to drive slowly. i really gotta work on that as it’s gained me several speeding tickets in the last year…

back to the trip. we picked our other friend at her apartment in denver and we headed out to lunch at the cherry creek mall. noodles and co. is a really great restaurant. i wasn’t adventurous sadly, so i didn’t go for the things i thought i might like and i went for the tried and true, i knew they couldn’t eff it up macaroni and cheese. i really am a kid at heart.

it was basically a shopping day for us, i dragged my friends to lucy, this great sports apparel company that i discovered in seattle last january. i love them. their clothes are comfortable, they do what they say they will and you look fabulous while at the gym working out. i bought them when i was running and they are great for yoga as well. i prefer the crops cause i get hot when i’m working out. though their pants would be great if you’re an outdoor runner in a cooler clime.

hit up the actual mall down the street. drooled  over the prada, jimmy choos and other shoes. i really am a shoe whore who’s reformed. mainly i don’t have the money for the shoes i want…. same thing though right?

we hit up diesel, got me a fab pair of jeans. dark wash, exactly what i was looking for. if more then i planned to spend on a single pair. the vans store, cause i wanted a fun pair of vans for work, they’re a uniform requirement. we basically just wandered around the mall.

it bugs me a lil bit that my body type is not easy to dress. i mean, i’m not a big person at all, i’m quite small in fact. only under 5’4″ and 130. but damn. i am a curvy thing, i have hips and i have a bust. definitely not gonna fit into most dresses in on area or another. i don’t like to have to tailor EVERYTHING so it fits. *sigh*

sorry. i’ll stop complaining. but it really is annoying.

the entire purpose of this post was to talk about our 3+ hour detour on the way home. there was a truck that had rolled carrying hazardous materials closing the interstate we were taking home. we ended up having to take the old road over the mountains. in order to get to that exit we sat for 90 minutes and only went a ONE mile.one mile….i am not used to that kind of traffic at all. then when we finally got to the exit it took us another 90 minutes to go over loveland pass, our average speed was 15mph. yeah, epic right?

the saving grace was “wizard people, dear reader” by brad neely. it’s an unauthorized retelling of harry potter and the sorcerers stone (the movie). it had us laughing all the way down loveland pass. i highly suggest checking it out. i really need to listen to it while i watch the movie (which is how you’re sposed to do it).

basically we had left denver at 6:00 and we got back into town at 12:30. it was crazy. a trip that should have taken us 3.5 hours that took much, much longer. all around, it was worth it though. yes, yes it was.

Leave a comment

Filed under musings, random silliness, Uncategorized